Do you miss Fantasy Football?

Come join my Fantasy Congress and Fantasy Celebrity leagues! Click on the images below to join (or for more information). The league information is the same for both leagues:

League Name: WEPCO
Leauge password: roxor

FANTASY CONGRESS:



FANTASY CELEBRITY:


Feel free to invite others to join as well. Good luck!

I like being lazy

This Holiday season has reminded me how much I enjoy sleeping in, watching movies and TV, lounging around in my pajamas all day, eating breakfast at 11am, etc. I haven't even blogged the whole break (until now) and I don't feel even a little bit bad about it. In fact, by way of warning, you probably won't get blog updates very often. As I start a new year of work, school, church, playing husband, and a MacBook with GarageBand (probably the biggest consumer of my free time), I dare say that my blogging is bound to suffer. But hopefully I can stay out of my own junk pile. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year . . . and in case I don't blog again for a while, Happy Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and 4th of July (and Happy Birthday Deidra).

Is it Christmas yet?

I'm sick of work. The End.

To be absent or not to be absent

Here's the unofficial timeline from my experiences in order to fill (or not fill) one absence among the many that were called in this morning:

8:15am - Message from Teacher left on our Voicemail: "I need a substitute for today. I am sick. Thanks."
8:32am - Absence filled with Substitute (school starts at 9:10am)
8:50am - I leave work to pick up Deidra and take her to school
8:55am - Message from Teacher left on our Voicemail (I checked voicemail when I got home to pick up Deidra): "I don't know if you have found a substitute for me yet, but I am feeling better and can come to school, so I do not need a substitute anymore."
9:20am - I enter my office and pick up the ringing phone. It is Teacher: "Did you find me a substitute?"
Me: "Yes. We have Substitute probably already at the school. I just got your message. Are you at the school now? Do you still need the substitute or not?"
Teacher: "Well, if you already have a substitute coming in, then I will go ahead and stay home. Thanks!"
9:30am - I pick up another call. It is Substitute: "I just went the job you called me about this morning and they sent me home saying they didn't need me."
Me: "The school sent you home?"
Substitute: "Yes"
Me: "OK, let me call them and find out what is going on, because I just talked to the teacher and she said that she was going to be absent. So now I am confused."
9:35am - I call the school and inquire about the situation:
Secretary: "We sent Substitute home because Teacher called us and told us she was coming in."
Me: "I just talked to her about fifteen minutes ago and she told us she was staying home."
Secretary: "Let me transfer you to her Supervising Teacher and you can work it out." (note: Teacher is an aide in a classroom, so I was transferred to the teacher she works under)
Me: (I explain the situation to Supervising Teacher)
Supervising Teacher: "When did you talk to Teacher?"
Me: "About 15-20 minutes ago."
Supervising Teacher: "Okay, she called here about a half hour ago and said she was coming in, but she must have changed her mind. Go ahead and send Substitute back, if she is still available."
9:45am - I contact Substitute and she agrees to return to the school.
10:00am - I receive another call. It is Secretary: "Now both Teacher and Substitute have shown up and I am confused."
Me: "You're not the only one."

After all was said and done, we came to the conclusion that Teacher had talked to Supervising Teacher after she had talked to Me, so she had made the final decision to come in to work instead of being absent that day. But of course she doesn't let me know. Talk about frustrating! I talked to Substitute and explained the situation and offered her a half-day pay for showing up (twice). Luckily, she was understanding about the situation. Sometimes this job makes me want to scream profanities . . . and, unfortunately, there are days like today when I give in to the urge.

P.S.

Did I mention that this was my fantasy football opponent:


Yeah, that's right. I lost to a not-quite-one-year-old. But he does look pretty tough, doesn't he?

Ok, maybe he doesn't always look tough. In fact, sometimes he looks just plain goofy . . . But he sure does know his lineman stance. If he wasn't so darn little, he'd make a good football center. Hike, hike!

Yeah, he is a vicious opponent! If you don't watch out, he'll rip you to shreds with his own sharp teeth!


So, Bentley - congratulations on the win. I feel sorry for your next fantasy football victim.

The curse continues!

Week one of the fantasy playoffs is wrapping up, and it looks like my curse of never winning a first-round playoff game is going to continue. I had my best game of the season, scoring 97 points (one of the 10 best point totals for all 12 teams spanning the entire season), which would have beaten any other team in the tournament this week, . . . except the team that I happened to be playing (they scored 102 points). So the curse continues. I kind of feel like the Boston Red Sox right now. I just hope it doesn't take me 100 years to break this curse.

10 years later . . . a hell of a deal!

A little over ten years ago in July 1996, I was at my job loading and unloading grain trucks in Acequia, Idaho, when I got a call from my dad at home in Declo.

"Chris, I am just calling you to let you know that your mission call came in the mail this afternoon and will be waiting for you to open when you get home."

This was at about 2 in the afternoon and I had to work until 8pm that night. What torture to be working that long wondering where I was going to be asked to serve as a missionary, when I would leave, and what else was contained in that envelope. I called the girl I was dating at the time and told her to call all of our friends and have them meet at my house for the big opening of the mission call (I do not recommend that course of action, by the way). When I got of work, I began the long half-hour drive home. With my mind racing, I raced home eagerly . . . apparently a little too eagerly. About three miles from my house I was pulled over and given a ticket for speeding.

At that time in my life, getting a ticket wasn't a novelty. I had been pulled over for speeding before. In addition, I had been issued tickets for a number of other violations: inattentive driving, left of center, driving on a closed road, etc. And that doesn't even take in to account all the times I got off with just a warning. In fact, a month or so later, I received a letter in mail basically saying that if I got one more traffic violation, my license would be revoked. And since you are required to send a copy of your driving record to the church before reporting for your mission, I was pretty sure that I was going to be walking and riding a bike for most of my mission. But that was not the case. I spent a total of 2 months on foot, 2 months on a bike, and 20 months in a car. Of those 20 months, I was the driver for 18 months.

But since that fateful day in July, 1996, I have had a clean driving record. I may have been pulled over a time or two, but I have not received another ticket during that long time period . . . until yesterday. On my way home from work (having left work a little earlier than usual), I turned east from 200 East onto 400 North and proceeded normally. A little while later, I look in my rear-view mirror to see the flashing lights of a police motorcycle behind me. A looked at my speed, which wasn't excessive, and pulled over a little confused. The conversation proceeded as follows:

Officer: Good afternoon. Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?

Me: No, not really.

Officer: Do you know what the speed limit is?

Me: 40?

Officer: Well . . . do you know how fast you were going?

Me: Um . . . 40?

Officer: I clocked you at 38. The problem is that you just came out of a school zone during the posted school zone time. The speed limit in the school zone is 20.

Having left work a little early, I neglected to remember that I would be driving home during the approximate time that school would be letting out at the nearby elementary school. I apologized and explained my situation. He nodded understandably and asked for my license, insurance, and registration. After handing him the requested items, he returned to his motorcycle and I was left to ponder the fact that my fate was completely in his hands. Did he believe me when I told him my story? And if so, does he even care? He's just going to issue a warning, isn't he?

The longer he stayed at his motorcycle, the less hope I had of getting off with a warning. In my former days, I had learned that the time an officer spends back at their vehicle is directly proportionate to the likelihood of getting a ticket. Then I started thinking the worst. Is it more of a fine for speeding in a school zone? I was going 18 miles over the school zone limit. That probably has quite the hefty cost attached to it.

Then I see him approaching the car. He hands back my license and registration and then proceeded: Mr. Hartwell, I am giving you a hell of a deal today. First of all, I am giving you a ticket for speeding. But I am just issuing the citation for 9 miles over the speed limit, and I am just issuing it as a normal speeding ticket. Speeding in a school zone, especially 18 miles over the speed limit, can really do some damage to your insurance. So I am going easy on you because I really believe that it was unintentional. In addition, I have checked the box for wearing your seatbelt, which will give you a $10 discount on your ticket.

I have no idea how much the ticket is. I have to contact the court in "no less than 5 and no more than 14 days" to find out. I would rather just pay it and forget about it.

I guess I should be happy that I got off easy, but I was a little disappointed. I used to go back and forth with Deidra about our driving skills. She heard about my previous driving record, so she would give me a hard time about being a bad driver, saying that she has never received a ticket. In response, I would counter by saying that, even though I received a number of tickets when I was younger, I had not received a ticket since long before she even started driving. Well, so much for that argument! I guess she wins.

Yeah, it's really a hell of a deal.

Stories of note from the Christmas party

Deidra went through the basics of our recent ward Christmas party, but as she has delegated it to me to tell a funny story or two from that night, I don't want to let her down:

1. We sat eating dinner with a couple of other couples from our ward. The conversation eventually came to Christmas and getting presents for your spouse. One particular husband got really excited and smiled from ear to ear as he told about how he had the greatest present that he had purchased for his wife and that she was going to be so surprised and excited when she opened it at Christmas. His wife smiled and nodded in support and seemed genuinely to be anticipating this wonderful present. But when the husband left the table to refill his drink, she turned to us and whispered in a rushed, serious tone: "I found my present the other day. He had left it in the trunk of the car and I accidentally came upon it. So I took it out of the trunk and hid it in a spot where he might think that he had hid it. So I don't even know if he knows where it is right now. I think I saw him searching for it recently. But don't tell him I found it - it would break his heart if he knew I found it." It was so funny! Deidra and I (and the third couple at our table) were chuckling hysterically and had to get our chortles under control before her husband returned to the table.

2. During the Newlywed Game that Deidra was discussing on her blog, the most hilarious moment came when we first asked the wives what their husbands most annoying habit was. One wife responded: "He's going to kill me for saying this, but I would have to say that it is when he clips his toenails and leaves them on the floor." Which is kind of nasty in and of itself. But when we had the husbands return to the room and it came time for them to answer the question, her husband replied: "She would probably say my most annoying habit is leaving things lying around." My response: "Well, kind of . . ." to which there was a little laughter from the audience. His wife was muttering to him: "You're going to kill me when you hear what I said." I was about to tell him specifically what she said when he loudly proclaimed: "Oh, I know what she said! She said it's annoying when I leave my snot rags around everywhere." This elicited a roaring laugh from the audience, as well as from Deidra and me. It took us a while to regain composure. So beware of offering too much information to your friends and peers. Now we know two of his worst habits. Let's hope there's not many more. :-)

Poor Playoff Performance Anxiety

As the fantasy football playoffs are approaching for the WEPCO league, I find myself experiencing a little deja vu. After everything shakes out next week (the last week of our league's regular season), chances are that I will find myself at #2 or #3 (of 12) in the league, which you would think would be a good thing. My problem is finishing off the year in the playoff tournament. Just take a look at how I have done in previous seasons:

• 2003: Finished regular season #3 (of 13) - Finished tournament #7 (of 8)
• 2004: Finished regular season #3 (of 18) - Finished tournament #8 (of 8)
• 2005: Finished regular season #2 (of 8) - Finished tournament #6 (of 8)

So I am a little concerned about the upcoming playoffs. I think I have a good team and should do well, but you never know. I'll keep you posted.

Crappy Feet

Let me just go on the record saying that Happy Feet is one of the worst movies I have seen recently. The animation was amazing and the music and dancing were pretty entertaining, but the movie itself seemed way long and the plot (particularly how it all ended) was absolutely ridiculous and ruined the whole movie.

Diatribe from the pulpit

At church on Sunday, we had a guest speaker (High Councilman) speak to us in sacrament meeting. And I could not believe what was said. Previously in the meeting, the Bishop had told a story about flying this week and the scare when a fire started on a bus near his aircraft. Well, later on in the meeting, when the guest speaker got up to speak, he started off by saying:

"I am grateful for the Bishop's story about the difficulties of flying. I also had difficulties in flying this week. But while the Bishop's problems were with a fire, mine was in dealing with the TSA airport security."

The congregation chuckled a bit at this statement, as most of us have encountered the increased security measures recently. And if this was where the story ended, there would really not even be a story. But whether the speaker felt encouraged because of the congregation's response, or whether he just had some frustration to get off his chest, he decided to continue on this subject. He went off talking about how we still live in a free country and how airports are the only place that you are "checked, checked, checked, and re-checked." He explained situations where he has been traveling and had to go through these security procedures that have caused him to miss his flights. Another good quote:

"I don't see why somebody who is making $5.15 an hour should have the power to control our lives."

And it gets better. He told story of being in a security line where a 90 year-old man ahead of him in line was screened, and his baggage was opened up and searched. He exclaimed sarcastically: "Yeah, that guy sure looked like a terrorist to me!" This was followed a short time later by an African-American priest that was also searched. Again, came the sarcasm: "I'm sure this priest was a terrorist, too!" Then it came time for our story-teller himself, and he also was taken aside for additional screening. He concluded the story by saying:

"Behind me in line were a few passengers that were more ethnically appropriate passengers to be screened, and they passed through the security checkpoint without incident. There is something wrong with that picture."

Are you kidding me? Did he really just say that some passengers are "ethnically appropriate" to be screened? And during an address from the pulpit at church? He literally went off for ten minutes with his views about the airline security procedures. There were plenty of other inappropriate statements, but fortunately I have forgotten them for the most part. And the entire congregation was wondering why he was talking about it and if he was going to have any spiritually-based message at all. Finally, he moved on to the topic he had prepared for the last 5-10 minutes of his talk. But by then it was too late, at least for me. I could not focus on it, and I felt like the Spirit had already been lost. But it sure makes for a good blog entry. I don't know if this retelling even captures the horror, awe, and discomfort of the inappropriateness - maybe you had to be there.

Candid camera

I don't know how they got this video of me and Deidra at Sonic . . .

CAUTION!

If this is what Italians have to eat at their wedding, I am glad I am not Italian. I would stay a bachelor for my entire life. We saw this soup on sale and thought we'd buy a couple of cans and give it a try. It was N-A-S-T-Y! The broth is salty, the little balls of pasta are slimy, and the "meatballs" look (and probably taste) like dry dog food that's gotten soggy from being left out in the rain. I feel it my duty to warn the public to stay away from this soup. We're lucky we survived.

Lyrics of the Week

If you haven't noticed, I have posted a "Lyric of the Week" at the bottom of my blog, which I will try to keep updated as much as possible. I will use this post as an archive of past lyrics. So here we go:

April 27, 2007:
"Shot through the heart and you're to blame
You give love a bad name."
(Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name)

April 12, 2007:
"If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
(Nickelback - If Everyone Cared)

March 23, 2007:
"When the mountain is high
Just look up to the sky
Ask God to teach you
Then persevere with a smile."
(Lenny Kravitz - Dig In)


Mar. 7, 2007:
"My baby - she got thirty-two flavors
The first thirty-one are gonna burn your tongue, but the last one makes you crave her."
(Brown Couch - Track Shack)

Feb. 21, 2007:
"I hope those cigarettes are gonna make you cough
I hope you heard this this song and it pissed you off."
(Spin Doctors - Little Miss Can't Be Wrong)

Feb 5, 2007:
"Here we are, now entertain us."
(Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit)

January 17, 2007:
"I love you . . . because you make me sick."
(P.M. Dawn - The Beautiful)

Dec. 21, 2006:
"There has to be a change, I'm sure
Today was just a day fading into another
And that can't be what a life is for"
(Counting Crows - Amy Hit the Atmosphere)

Dec. 10, 2006:
"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes."
(Incubus - Drive)

Nov. 28, 2006:
"You can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
You bleed just to know you're alive."
(Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)

Nov. 16, 2006:
"Every new beginning starts with some other beginning's end."
(Semisonic - Closing Time)

Nov. 9, 2006:
"I have all my wisdom teeth
Two up top and two beneath
Yet I recognize
My mouth says things that aren't so wise."
(Crash Test Dummies - The Bereft Man's Song)

Nov. 1, 2006:
"Someday I will work with animals; all the tests I'm going to do
All my stuff's completely natural, and when we're done we'll boil 'em down for glue
That we can use to re-adhere your lips to mine if you were here."
(Barenaked Ladies - Some Fantastic)

Textbook Travails

I am currently taking a couple of online classes at USU as pre-requisites for a Human Resources graduate program. For one of the classes, Deidra and I decided not to but the $150 textbook, but to check it out at the library instead. I can only check it out for three hours at a time, which usually works well for me. I check it out, read the chapter, do the assignment, and then hand the book back in. If I need additional time, I check it out for an additional three hours or come back and check it out another day.

For the first part of the semester, this worked out well. Most of the time i wanted to check out the book, they had it available, though every once in a while it would be checked out by somebody else. But ever since getting back from Boston, I have not been able to secure the book. I tried twice a day for almost two weeks straight. But each time I went in, I was told that the book was unavailable. Finally, about a week ago, one of the library employees told me that they actually have no idea where the book is - whether it is lost or if somebody checked it out and never returned it.

So I finally had to break down and order the book online. I have three assignments that are late, and a test to take next Thursday, so I didn't have many other options. Luckily, I was able to find the book online for only $80. It should be waiting for me when I get off work today, and I will have my nose in it almost constantly for the next week, in order to complete my late assignments and prepare for my test. I don't look forward to spending so much time on my back-logged assignments, but I will sure be glad to get caught up. Who knew that one textbook could cause so much of a hassle?

Irish Twins

(For the record, I will post more about Boston at some point, but until that happens, check out Deidra's blog for the scoop on what went down)

I love this time of year, specifically between October 8 and October 28th. Why, you might ask? Because my older brother, Ryan, and I are what some people refer to as "Irish twins," meaning that we are less than a year apart. Growing up, this time of year would be the time when I would taunt Ryan about how we were the same age and he wasn't older than I was. From my birthday on October 8th until his birthday on October 28th, we were equals ... except for the fact that he was (and still is) bigger than I was and could (and still can) physically beat me into submission if my taunting got too out-of-control.

We were also in the same grade in school, which made for a good portion of sibling rivalry. I remember him coming after me with rage in his eyes and violence in every footstep in elementary school one day when I had started a rumor saying a particular girl liked him, which he soon found to be without merit. I learned quickly not to provoke him like that very often. My parents also learned this lesson early on and made sure we were never in the same class all throughout school. The one exception to this was a P.E. class that we both had to take as sophomores in high school. But there was only one or two brawls between us in that class.

It's funny how different we were from each other then, but how competitive we both were. Ryan was the athlete, playing football and basketball in high school and going on to play college football. So I had to be athletic, too. I also played football in high school (though I use the term play loosely). Mainly I sat on the bench or walked the sidelines, though I did get my share of game time on special teams. There was one game where our kick returner got injured, so I was thrown in frantically to return a kick. I caught the football and began running for my life as the opposing team came charging at me. A teammate's mom later told my mom that she had never seen somebody's legs move so quickly and go such a little distance. I was definitely not the best football player. But I also played tennis in high school, and did a little bit better in that sport.

On the other hand, I was the smart one. What this meant was that any time that Ryan and I both took the same test, had the same assignment, etc. where he got a better grade than me, I heard about it for days, if not weeks. Maybe that's part of what motivated me to get even better grades. Sometimes competition is not such a bad thing.

Ryan and I had different groups of friends in high school and really did not get along all that well, for the most part. I am glad that things change as we grow older. I relish in the accomplishments that Ryan has attained since high school: walking on to the ISU football team and playing at MSU-Northern as well. He has a beautiful wife and gorgeous little girl who is so much fun to play with whenever we get together, which unfortunately is only once or twice a year. I am proud of what he has accomplished. And I know the feeling is mutual. When I released my CD All I Fear, I was in Washington, DC. Ryan was eager to get his own copy and then called me and asked me if I would send him more copies so that he could sell them to his friends in Montana. (Which reminds me, I never did see any money come out of that deal) Anyway, he even posted the lyrics to my song Never Look Back in his football locker for inspiration. It's great to know that even though we're still very different, we've been able to respect each other and our differences. I mean, Irish twin have to look out for each other, you know?

Boston on my birthday

"Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice,
And I've never been to Boston in the fall!"

- "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" from Veggie Tales

I've never done most of those things, but I can at least check off going to Boston in the fall now! We made it out of stormy, dreary Utah and into sunny, splendid Boston yesterday evening and are excited for the fun times ahead of us. Today is my 29th birthday, which makes me feel old, since my mom has claimed to be 29 for quite some time now. So now I am somehow as old as my mom, and that's just weird.

We are heading to church here soon, and then possibly heading up north to York, ME, or Ben and Jerry's country in Vermont. The fall foliage is just as amazing as everyone raves about. Flying in to the Providence, R.I. airport, it was pretty awesome seeing all of the different colors all over. It should be a pretty drive this afternoon.

Anyway, we're off to church, so I guess I have to either close this post or take the Noyes' laptop to church, and I really don't think they would appreciate the latter.

Happy Birthday, Stephen!

I remember growing up as the second of four boys. My youngest brother, Stephen, was almost exactly four years younger than me. Of course, being the youngest, he was the one that got teased and picked on the most, but he always had an upbeat, cheery disposition about him and a determination to stand his ground in the face of his older brothers. That determination was probably the biggest advantage of being the youngest. By the time he was old enough to play city league sports like baseball and basketball, he was leaps and bounds above other kids his age because he had learned to play well enough to be competitive with his older siblings.

One story to illustrate this point is told by my mom. When Stephen was 9 years old, he tried out to be on the city's 9-10 year-old All-Star team. Most of the kids, including Stephen, did pretty well fielding and throwing balls in the infield. But nearly all of the kids had trouble catching fly balls in the outfield. Enter Stephen. He loved catching fly balls and would practice catching them all the time. He would often be playing catch with my dad, asking my dad to throw it as high as he could. When it came time for him to catch fly balls in the outfield, he did it with such ease that the coaches were amazed. In fact, at one point, he turned to my mom at the side of field and asked "Should I catch one behind my back?" (a trick also taught to him by my dad) My mom quickly dissuaded him of this idea, not wanting him to rub it in to the other All-Star hopefuls.

My personal favorite sports memory of Stephen was on the basketball court. Again, he was a pretty good basketball player for his age, since he had played against his older brothers (2,4,&5 years older, respectively) for years. I remember him coming down with a rebound on the opposite team's side of the court. He dribbled full-court, through most of the opposing team, and made an easy basket on the other end of the court. As he was jogging back to play defense, he looked at me in the crowd with an air of innocent arrogance and proceeded to give the "2 Legit 2 Quit" hand gestures (yes, this was the early '90s). It made me laugh that he was so cocky at such a young age.

Unfortunately, we will never know what could have happened with those athletic talents, or any other traits or characteristics that made up the heart and soul of Stephen - at least not in this life. He passed away at the tender age of 10, after a car accident landed him in a week-long coma. It's been 15 years since he passed away, and Stephen would have turned 25 years old today. I still think about him all the time and look forward to the day when we will meet again. But until that day comes, I just wanted to say "Happy Birthday, little brother."

Word verification?

Ever notice that when you go to add a comment to somebody's blog, it has a section called "word verification" where you have to type in the letters you see on the screen? Do you find it weird that they call it a "word verification" when it's never really a word? Why don't they call it a "character verification" or "letter verification"? That's my random thought of the day.

No more canning, please!

We're finally done (hopefully) with our first year of canning. It included salsa, tomatoes, chili sauce, apricot jam, apple sauce, and apple pie filling. The final steps came with canning the apple sauce last night, which Deidra did almost single-handedly since I was under time constraints to finish an accounting assigment. I did help with sealing the jars and cleaning up after it was all done, but I am grateful that Deidra took the initiative to get it all done tonight. I don't mind canning, but I think I have had my fill of it for this year. Hopefully, as we use the contents of our canning throughout the year, it will help me get psyched up to do more canning next year. Because right now, I don't want to see another water bath or or Ball jar for a long time to come.